Unsure

Question:  When contemplating the end of a patently discriminatory practice, is it constructive to give the actors against such change an equal voice at the table?
As to this yearlong process of “exploration” on how and when to lift the ban on allowing gays and lesbians to serve in the military, I am unsure where it [...]

Tank

The other day, one of Clay’s buddies from his Iraq deployment called to talk.  This was a bit of a surprise because Clay keeps a certain distance from his fellow soldiers, in order to simplify the task of keeping his life with me a secret.  Clay could only talk for a minute, but his buddy [...]

PTSD

I started wearing Clay’s dog tags the day he left for Iraq.  I vowed to wear them faithfully until the day he came home, and I was true to my word.  In times of fear or loneliness I would often catch myself clutching them tightly through the fabric of my shirt.  It sounds a bit [...]

Need to Remember

This holiday season I need to remember.
I need to remember that, although my soldier is safe and sound beside me as I write this, there are thousands of gay and lesbian soldiers serving right now in Iraq and Afghanistan.
There are no perfect families – most of us become acutely aware of our varying levels of [...]

“Institution” of Marriage

There are many rights and privileges we rightly cherish as American citizens.  Who today would support a ballot measure supporting a ban on Jews or Blacks moving into your neighborhood?  Such ‘covenants and restrictions’ were quite commonplace well into the 20th Century – in fact, my friend Alex showed me the developer’s pamphlet he found [...]

RETURN

The night Clay came home, I was not there to greet him.  We had worked out a way for me to be there, but I ended up being caught in a horrific traffic jam and missed it.
I sat in the car -  slowly inching forward and gripping the steering wheel so hard I thought my [...]

A Friend In Pain

In my darkest moments, when Clay was deployed, I had a friend.
She is a straight woman from Illinois, and her son is about to begin his second deployment to Iraq.
In my darkest moments, when Clay was deployed, I had a friend.
She has the uncanny ability to find humor in the most overwhelming of circumstances – [...]

Clay is Home

Clay is home.
As we sit at our kitchen table, munching on a late breakfast of fried egg sandwiches, the saga of his deployment seems more and more like a bad dream that slowly fades away once you wake up…
He has discovered the Farmville app on Facebook, and is laughing as he plays around on his [...]

Found Out

Clay discovered my blog today.  He read every entry, in reverse order, from most recent to the first one.
I have tried my best to keep this from him.  The first rule of supporting your soldier when they’re deployed is: DO NOT BURDEN THEM WITH PROBLEMS AT HOME.  The only thing they should be focused on [...]

Taking Chance

When I saw that Kevin Bacon had been nominated for an Emmy for his role in Taking Chance, an HBO film about the true story of one Marine’s journey as he escorts the body of a fallen soldier back home, it literally took my breath away.
Not long after Clay had deployed, I was channel surfing [...]

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