Unsure
February 2, 2010 by AnonPartner
Filed under Soldier's Husband
Question: When contemplating the end of a patently discriminatory practice, is it constructive to give the actors against such change an equal voice at the table?
As to this yearlong process of “exploration” on how and when to lift the ban on allowing gays and lesbians to serve in the military, I am unsure where it will take us. I see a year full of of anti-repeal interest groups marshaling their forces to pressure congress and inflame public opinion by spewing out bigotry and hateful stereotypes.
Don’t get me wrong – I am proud of, and grateful for, Adm. Mullen’s bold proclamations at today’s congressional hearings. I’m just more than a bit incredulous of the claims that we need to be oh-so-careful not to grievously strain our already over-taxed soldiers and their families…
NEWS FLASH: Tens of thousands of gay and lesbian soldiers AND their families are already suffering every single damn day because of this discriminatory policy. And what of the one billion dollar cost of discharging otherwise highly qualified soldiers under DADT – wasted money that could have been wisely spent helping all our soldiers and their families in countless other ways?
Our brave soldiers already serve side by side with gay and lesbian soldiers every day and in every aspect of military service, and they know it. They already live together, fight together, and yes – shower together every day without incident. In their lives outside of the service, most have friends and/or family members who are gay.
During war time, soldiers and their families are worried about a whole hell of a lot of things more pressing than if Adam loves Steve instead of Eve. Give our straight soldiers and their families a little credit, please…
God Bless you and your Soldier! I have only read a few pieces of your blog. I just wanted to drop you an encouraging line and Thank both of you for your many sacrifices, both those that a “typical” soldier and his family endure plus those added sacrifices that you both endure.
I too am a civilian with someone in the military. I can’t go so far as to call myself his husband as yet, but someday I hope that will be. I believe there are more gay and bisexual men and women in the military than anyone, even those of us that are close to it, can imagine. Perhaps once the relics of DADT are gone maybe these men and women won’t have to hide who they are as they will be free to be who and what they are – HUMAN BEINGS & AMERICANS serving their country that have a different preference on who they love and are loved by.
Having to sneak around and hide one’s life is not freedom and yet freedom is what my boyfriend is over there right now defending. I proudly served my country and I am proud of what my solider is doing. This is equal protection under the law? This is fair? We are good enough to pay our taxes, serve our country, endure the separation of deployment and sometimes even sacrifice our lives but we can’t serve openly in the military. My soldier is a hero and I wish just one half of the men and women that serve with him were as brave and devoted as he is. I long for the day that we can stop having to hide our relationship and he can serve without the added burden of fearing that someone will find out about us – he has a hard enough time just trying to stay alive over there.
Thank you for sharing so much. DADT (and so many other problems) never seem like a big deal till there’s a story attached. I pray that you and Clay are able to cherish his time back. Keep us updated as possible.
You bring up a good question when we are always told there are two sides to every story. But when the subject matter is about something that is a “patently discriminatory practice,” hearing both sides seems like a waste of time. This is an issue that should not have been “waffled with.”
I too am the lesbain partner of an AF officer. This “study” is not needed but I see a HUGE problem with it. How do you study something that can’t be seen or heard? Opnents of gays serving openly have had an open mic on this issue for years. Supporters of gays in the military have the fear of either outing themselves, their friends, or the fear that they will mearly be “percieved” as gay. My partner came home with an offical memo about the remarks that Adm. Mullen and Sec Gates had said and military members expected conduct when asked about this issue. It was was murkey language to me (it sort of read to me like, “We will support this study..but don’t talk about it even if asked”)…but she insist that it more or less said that they were not alowed to talk about it unless asked by an offical pannel conducting the study..and no “political” viewpoints are alowed. Sounds like a lot of double talk. Also I read somewhere that they would be talking to LGB military members in this study..but how to do that within the confinments of the DADT law. I don’t know about you, but if I were a gay military member only a few years from retirement and this pannel wanted to ask me questions about my orentation in a, “hey you can tell us this time and we won’t kick you out…pinky swear” kind of way..I think I’m keeping my mouth shut just to be safe.